textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
