i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
