I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
