Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
