When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
