I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm having to shit out rocks
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