no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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