So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
