I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
