Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
