oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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