I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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