I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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