I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I cut my penus on the lid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
