..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I got inside last night via doggy door
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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