Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
