I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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