He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
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