filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
