my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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