My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
