Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
