I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
