This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
