he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
