sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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