Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
