I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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