so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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