remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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