Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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