you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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