Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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