ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
