I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
