Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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