i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
