Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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