One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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