I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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