so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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