3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
