you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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