omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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