I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I need moral support for this bender
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
