we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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