so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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