I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
