my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize