I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
