JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
