Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
