A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
