I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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