Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
