i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
