I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
