Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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