I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
