Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
