dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
