she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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