My liver just broke up with me...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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