listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How's work?
Spinning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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