And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just tell him i said nine months
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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