How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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