I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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