none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I want a musical about memes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
