Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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