I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
