I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i've created a new STD.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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