I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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