careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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