Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize