i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
