im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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