She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
