Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
