so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
