Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
