I accidentally had phone sex last night
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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