OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
