you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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