the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
