what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
