i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize