covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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