so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
