she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
