Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
