yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
