I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When did angry sex become our thing?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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