All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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