I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
