after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
