you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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