Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
