Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
