After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
