I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
